Welcome to my new blog! I have decided to move my blog over to WordPress for functionality purposes. My old blog will still be available to read here however all future blogs will now be posted on this site.
To navigate your way around this page, firstly check out the ‘About Divine Truth’ page where you will find useful links and resources and information on what these teachings are about. All of the blogs I share on this page will be based on these teachings and what I have learned from experimenting with them. Also for a brief introduction to my journey with Divine Truth teachings please check out the above video. I will be posting all my future Into My Soul Vlogs on my YouTube channel here. I have lots of content planned for future vlogs that will focus on specific themes and experiences I have gone through over the past 4 years in my experimentation with Divine Truth teachings.
I have such a desire to discover who God is and who I am. I have such a desire to know who the real me is underneath all of the layers and layers of damage and facade that has been created in me. I have such a desire now to connect to God, to love God and receive God’s Love into my soul.
This blog will be about sharing myself as openly and honestly as I can about the experiences I have gone through and the new emotional and spiritual truths I learn about myself and the universe as I begin to delve deep into my relationship with God, myself and my soulmate!
I look forward to sharing myself and letting you in to my heart and soul. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to email me. I’ve also created an ‘About’ page where you can find out about me and who I am if you are interested.
Since learning and educating myself about God’s Truth from Jesus on physical ailments I was told that it is possible to completely heal physical ailments through feeling and releasing emotional causes. So I have been experimenting with this over the past few years and have had success in healing a few sicknesses very rapidly over night from feeling and releasing emotions. However, please note that I am not a doctor and in no way am I providing medical advice and you should seek a professional medical doctor for advice in the case of any life threatening physical ailment where necessary.
This is just my personal experience about my growing faith that it is completely possible to heal physical ailments through feeling and releasing emotions. However, there are still times where I become quite resistive to dealing with certain emotions when I get sick. I either make up excuses, choose to remain in denial or both such as the time when I first broke out in hives in 2016.
It was just after I returned to Sydney from the last assistance group in 2016. It was the last two weeks of university for the year and I was in the middle of rehearsing for end of year performances. The pain was unbearable, I couldn’t sleep and it was hell itchy. The hives started to spread to my eyes and all over my body and as I had never had hives like that before it felt like it could be dangerous. I had all sorts of fears come up like what if I might die or go blind, I don’t know if I can handle this, I don’t have the time to feel this, I don’t even know what to feel . . . basically in other words I didn’t want to feel or deal with any of it. I had a lot of resistance and lack of desire to be humble enough to feel my emotions so I went and got a shot at the doctors to make it go away.
As soon as I got the shot I felt immediately my conscience say to me ‘you shouldn’t have done that’ and that I was just prolonging the inevitable experience of feeling and releasing an emotion and that it would at some point return.
Well indeed it did return, two and a half years later in July of 2019 and this time with a vengeance!
I thought right, this time I cannot suppress this, I have to let myself go through this, no matter how many days or months it might take, I have to feel the emotion that caused it. Fear was kicking in and in my mind I imagined months of itchy torture, hives all over my body, the hives spreading to my eyes affecting my sight, sleepless nights, walking around in circles like a mad man and being holed up in my room unable to go anywhere. Again the thought of dying crossed my mind, even tho you can’t die from hives lol.
I still had quite a bit of fear about it and wasn’t 100% completely trusting that I could go through the process. So off I went to the doctors, to make sure that I couldn’t die if I didn’t medicate, and I then went to the chemist just in case lol, and bought an anti-histamine, and ointment to soothe the itching.
I wanted to have everything on standby in case things just got so bad, it would be a last resort. I did use the ointment for a bit on the first day as I still went to work but it didn’t work at all and I was still itchy as a mofo. Other than that I didn’t touch the oral medication.
The first two days I still remained pretty resistive and it wasn’t until the third day after praying and reflecting, I surrendered to the truth of how I was feeling. I could feel the truth bubbling up in me, I knew I was ready to burst. It was late at night, I was still itchy as hell, I jumped in the hot shower and the sting of the water on my skin was excruciatingly painful and I immediately screamed out in pain and burst into tears and started to feel about what I had been suppressing while praying to God. I knew I was touching on the right emotion because I could feel God’s Love and God talking to me through my conscience.
By the time I finished my cry and feel with God, I already felt a difference in my body and the hives were not as itchy. By the morning my hives had retreated and the swelling had disappeared.
So here is the process that I went through this particular time when I got sick with a little bit of background and context to my situation. This may not be the process for everyone but for me this is what I did and also what I usually try to do –
On the onset of a physical illness I retrace my steps back and go over what may have happened just before the illness presented itself. I’m usually looking for a situation or event where I would have suppressed an emotion. What I mean by suppress, is when an emotion comes up but you deny you have it. I usually involve God and I pray and ask for assistance to help me to get out of denial about whatever issues is causing the physical ailment.
I also take into consideration the location of the physical ailment because that will also indicate whether its an injury related to the masculine or feminine, or mother or father. So in this case as you can see from the images the bulk of the hives was situated in the sacral chakra area on both my left and right hip and spread down onto the back of my legs. Given that the ailment is hives, this usually is related to anger, and the location would indicate anger in relation to sex and sexuality as that is connected to the sacral chakra.
Once I have pin pointed the event that triggered the emotion that I suppressed, I then feel about that emotion and what I was truly feeling in that moment.
In this case I remembered I got angry and I pretended that I wasn’t angry, but I was. I was really angry, fuming angry. It was an entitlement feeling, where I felt justified in my anger projected at someone else (my partner) for what I perceived as her attacking my gender and a demanding anger I had that she should treat me better or love me. The feeling I had come up in me was ‘I’m sick of being treated like shit my whole life for being female and how dare you treat me less than because I’m female. I’ve worked hard to love myself as female (with fists shaking in the air, steam out of my nostrils and ears). Not really lol but that was the emotion coming out of me, extreme fury and rage.
I then soften to the truth of what actually happened. By that stage, I didn’t feel like bashing or yelling, I was just acknowledging the truth of my anger and facade. It’s like a soft surrender to the truth without judgement, but with a humble heart, that yes I am angry and this is an issue I want to work on. I then pray to know why I was angry and feel the underlying emotion. I ask God to help me to see the truth, to help me to be willing to see and feel the truth.
Anger is just something we use to cover over another emotion, we sometimes use anger to feel powerful and in control. In this case, I did want to feel powerful, like I was worth something and I used anger to try to achieve that. I discovered that I didn’t want to feel my false beliefs about how I feel about myself as a female, that I am not loveable because I am female, that I am worthless because I am female and that I have no value.
This is not God’s Truth but it was still something I had to acknowledge were feelings or errors that existed inside of me that I needed to be in truth about – that I have a deep rage about how I’ve been treated in relation to my gender.
It then went a layer deeper to feeling like my partner (the person I feel is my soulmate) will never love me because I am female and lots of fears about being wrong and what if she’s right that we are not soulmates and I am wrong (an ongoing issue that has been present in our relationship which is another blog post in itself). It’s possible that they are emotions that are taking me away from the real issue nevertheless its what came up for me during this process.
Once I become aware of what I suppressed through God’s help I then feel that emotion. I still involve God through this process and pray for God to be near while I feel and to give me courage to feel the emotion and to just be truthful. I also sometimes long to receive God’s Love while I feel.In this instance I had a deep grieving heartfelt cry, where I just surrendered to the tears about how I felt about myself. About how I had been unloving, how my anger wasn’t justified and my grief and sadness that my own partner does not desire me because I am female.
I then measure my pain afterwards and see if it has retreated, if it has I know I felt the right emotion.
If I still have the pain I know its another emotion or feeling that I’m denying.
24 hrs AFTER
I’ve heard Jesus say we are either motivated by pain or pleasure before we take actions and I can relate to this because by the time I’m experiencing the physical pain of being angry, and I am usually more humble and willing to feel whats underneath and fix the issue.
However, hopefully you can avoid having to get to the point of physical pain and just allow yourself to feel what you feel in any given moment and be truthful about it.
I didn’t want to be truthful, I wanted to be arrogant and prideful that I was in a better condition than I actually was in relation to my gender worth issues. I am still very much injured in this area and have a long way to go in healing how I feel about being female and not to mention many other areas of my life.
Sometimes when we heal a physical ailment by going through the emotional process we can either release causal or facade emotions. I am unsure if in this instance I released any causal emotions, I feel it was mostly facade emotions that I was in denial about. My facade in having a false sense of worth about being female. I mean I can only hope that maybe I released something causal but I still feel it was emotions I was denying in my facade that I released that caused the ailment to heal.
I had a lot of fear about going through this process and I was preparing for the worst that I would be in this situation for a long time, however as you can see the process took me only three days and it could have been a shorter period if I had been willing to be humble and honest much more quicker.
A lot of the times we feel we can’t go through something because we fear the worst and we either suppress the pain with medication only for the pain to manifest again in the body in some other way and we then live in our pain and suffering much longer than needed.
I spent three days in agony and about 30 minutes to an hour of feeling the real deep grief pain and it was over on that particular issue. So the actual pain that we need to feel is much quicker and shorter than the long term pain and suffering we live in.
Also sometimes our physical ailments are connected to causal emotions that weren’t created by us. I have had another experience in 2016 of healing a physical ailment that I believe was connected to a causal emotion, which were created by emotions from my parents from before I was born and in the early stages of my development as a child which I may share in another blog.
It was a similar process where I believe (not 100% sure) I had some really loving spirits to help me with that one, where they shared information from my birth and surrounding my birth that I could not have possibly known in any other way and I healed overnight.
I will leave it here for now, and I hope that this process or information might be useful to others and provide some insight into how to heal a physical ailment through feeling and releasing an emotion.
Finally after striving for this goal for more than 10 years the EP is out! It came out on the 6th Nov 2019 so its been out a few weeks now. I may talk more in depth about this 10 plus year journey in a future post but for now this is just a quick update on the release of the EP. Please note that everything I share on here (including my musical endeavours) is from my current understanding and is always subject to error. I am still a work in progress and still learning and growing.
The EP contains 6 songs plus a bonus 7th track which is only made available on free platforms such as Bandcamp, Soundcloud and the physical CD. This track is excluded from Spotify, iTunes and other monetised platforms for reasons outlined in the track commentary here because the lyrics were adapted from a poem written by Mary Luck and therefore the track comes under a Creative Commons copyright. This also includes all the other songs on the EP which are free to use, share, reuse, adapt, modify and build upon for non commercial use. Read here for more information.
Please note that my adaption of Mary’s poem’s is not officially endorsed by Mary Luck nor does the song (the instrumentation or music) represent or reflect Divine Truth or its teachings.
With monetised platforms like iTunes and Spotify it is a condition that you specify who owns copyright in order to have your music posted on those platforms, and as I did not write the lyrics for ‘Thank you’, and merely adapted the poem into a song form, I did not feel comfortable stating that I owned copyright when all of the material offered by Mary and Jesus is free from copyright and also offered without a price tag. iTunes and Spotify do not have an option to offer your music for free or under Creative Commons unfortunately and both platforms are monetised and that is also a reason why I did not place this track on those platforms.
The main reason why I still distribute to these stores is to ensure my music is accessible on a wide variety of platforms to give others the choice of their preferred platform. Some people prefer iTunes and Spotify for streaming, some people prefer Soundcloud so it is much better to have the music available on every platform possible. Another reason is that I also like to offer my music completely free of charge as well which Soundcloud and Bandcamp are much more accommodating with this.
I have created track commentary’s on what this EP is about and also share a bit about the inspiration behind each track here. I have already posted a couple of the track commentaries in previous posts on this blog and was planning on posting the remaining commentaries here however I never got around to it! Included in the track commentaries are links to the songs with lyrics.
There came a point where I had to come face to face with my life. From being sexually abused as a child from the age of 5-9, having a father who hated me, to a mother who wanted to completely control and dominate me, a family who wants to deny the abuse ever happened, being exposed to violence, substance abuse and alcoholism from the moment I was born, and then all of the unloving and destructive actions I took out against myself and others.
It gets to the point where you cannot escape all of this and you have to just stop pretending you are ok and allow yourself to roll around on the ground and just cry your fucking eyes out and be the complete painful dark mess that you are. Welcome to Into My Soul. I’ve spent 5 years doing this so far and my life has changed in so many beautiful ways and it ain’t over yet.
Even if you feel you had a good life and are exempt from this process I guarantee you are in a complete facade and denial about it. EP out Nov 2019 – hear all about it in the above video. 💜
The EP is available on both free and paid platforms to give you the option of how you would like to consume my music!
Donate to Smugglers of Light Fundraiser and receive a copy of Limited Edition CD (includes bonus 7th track – Thankyou (Mary’s Poem to God) – https://bit.ly/2MNpi3V
After a year since the first single ‘Waiting’ was released from my upcoming debut EP – Into My Soul, I have finally released the second single ‘Home’!
The song is a fusion of folk style lyric songwriting with big souring future bass synth influenced chorus and electronic music production. Sorry for the non-doof lovers but I just love my beats and love fusing organic and non organic sounds together.
I might consider releasing an acoustic version in the future if anyone expresses an interest. Just let me know!
This song song is sequel to ‘Waiting’ which was about Love being offered as gift and written from the perspective of a God who wants to share Love with us.
‘Home’ shares in a very metaphorical way what it was like for me when I first started re-sensitise myself to emotions again and then finally having the courage to ask to receive the Gift of Love from this Great Being God.
You can listen to the track commentary on this song below. You will also find in the description of the video links to where you can stream the song, have access to lyrics and get yourself a free download.
In the very near future I will be sharing more about the upcoming EP and future projects.
About a year ago I released the first single ‘Waiting’ from my upcoming EP called ‘Into My Soul’ which is due out in Nov 19. The song is written from the perspective of God who wants to share the gift of Her Love with us and who is always waiting patiently for us to ask for it.
The main motivation for writing the song was because I found that there were a lot of love songs that didn’t quite reflect the true qualities of love from God’s perspective. In my limited understanding of this ‘Love’ I have attempted to write a song that might capture some of God’s loving qualities in terms of how she feels about us and her desires for us.
I have been working on a music video for the song but will be releasing it when the EP comes out in Nov, but for now to celebrate the one year anniversary of this first single, I have created a brief track commentary video about the song and my upcoming EP here –
‘All of my life on earth I measured my self against my achievements, against what I had attained in terms of knowledge, what kind of recognition I received from the world and I saw that as a measure of my worth, I saw that as a measure of my value but also a measure of my success. And what I know now is that God measures everything but at this point in my progress I feel the measure that God is most interested in within myself is the willingness to love and that has been such a powerful lesson for myself that in part I wanted to convey to that to your listeners, that that is the truest measure there is of a person is their willingness to love and I feel that in a way that is such a freeing thing to know.’ Stuart
This week on the 13 May, I turned the big 4 0 and with entering a new decade it has been the cause of much reflection, contemplation and feeling about my life, the choices I made, the regrets, the damage, and the slight progress and changes I have made in the past few years. It was much cause for setting new intentions and desires for my life and for this new decade and future decades.
How do I feel turning the big 4 0? For the most part, I feel quite ashamed of my age, I feel strongly a desire in me to maintain a facade of what the worlds standard of what it means to be beautiful, what the world’s view and definition is of what it means to have worth and value in society. There is still a strong desire in me to remain youthful looking, what I would do to have my natural brown locks again, instead I shudder at the amount of grey hairs I see staring back at me in the mirror, the dark melasma spots and skin damage I have on my face, the thin and lifeless eyebrows from years of plucking to keep up with societies view on having the perfect eyebrows.
All a reflection to me of the internal deep soul damage I have not yet healed inside of me, that I would alter my looks to fit the mould of what others definition of beauty is, that my measure of worth was all about how beautiful I looked, how pretty I was, how much money and things I owned. I’m not yet ready to give up dyeing my hair, or filling in my eyebrows to make it seem like I have more hair. Does it bring happiness? No of course not, it’s all addiction, addiction that I want. I want to avoid at all costs feeling like I’m ugly.
I have learned the hard way, that all of this will not buy you worth, it will not fill the big gaping hole that every single person on earth has. There is a saying we are what we eat, but we are what we feel. How we feel on the inside will impact how you look on the outside. Every bit of physical degradation we have, how we look on the outside is due to what feelings we carry inside of us that is out of harmony with love, toxic emotions that exist inside of us that slowly degenerate every cell in our body until finally the body cannot sustain life and we die.
All my life, I have been given attention in some kind of way about how I look but the truth is all it did was give me a false sense of self worth. It did not take away my true feeling on the inside which is that I completely loathe myself. The only thing that will take that feeling away is for me to face it and feel it so that it can release from my soul.
This is the first milestone of my existence where I feel the reality of time ticking away, that my time on earth is potentially limited dependant on my desire and willingness to love. That potentially I only have around 20-30 more years of life on earth before my body degrades and passes if I do not have the courage to feel and release all of my emotional injuries and errors in love that exist in my soul.
I am faced with the reality of my choices, and question will I have time to undo and reverse all of the damage I created, will I have time to achieve on earth all that I set out to achieve from here, will all my dreams and aspirations come to fruition with what little time I have left. Most importantly will I heal and grow in my soul and relationship with God and my soulmate.
As I look back on all my milestones and the journey its taken to get here I have chosen some very damaging paths. My 21st I was young and naive, I had been a mormon for almost 2 years, I went to church every Sunday and read the scriptures every day. I was getting ready to embark on a mission to the Phillipines arrogantly believing I had found the truth and I was going to brings souls unto God. Due to this, I ended up teaching a lot of false and damaging beliefs about God to others which I am yet to reverse.
I also spent my 21st combined with my grandparents golden 50th and my aunty and uncles 25th anniversary and with the cousin who sexually abused me present at my birthday. I spent my 21st celebrating with the people who harmed me as a child.
My thirtieth year, I was living a life on the complete opposite spectrum. By this time I had racked up quite a significant amount of soul damage by my own choice. After leaving the mormon church I had delved deep into dark and sinister behaviour of drugs, sex and rock and roll (except without the fame).
I had a combined celebration with my then partner in a drug and alcohol fuelled night that I don’t remember much of. I spent the night celebrating with masses of people who I thought were true friends. They were not. That year, we were to separate a few months later which I spiralled even further into my addictions drinking and consuming drugs almost every week. It was the year I reached my lowest point when I was arrested for disorderly conduct after a violent drunken rage in a pub towards my ex and her friends.
This year, this milestone, I wanted it to be something I chose. I wanted it to be spent with somebody who I cared about, so the gift I chose to give myself was to spend it on my own with God contemplating, reflecting and feeling about what I desire for my life. I spent most of my day being overwhelmed emotionally at how much time has flown. I also spent time at Sydney Harbour taking pics of of the sunset and then went home and made myself a nice meal.
So what do I desire for this new decade of my life, what do I desire for the rest of my existence?
I want this decade and future decades to count more than any other decade, to make up for lost and wasted time. Theres still so much to learn, so much to change, so much to grow. I want to set my intention, to embrace every opportunity, to put my heart and soul into working on my relationship with God and my soulmate, to get out of denial of the grand delusion, sincerely and genuinely come to feel remorse for the harm I’ve done against others, I want to set my intention to go through a sincere and genuine process of repentance to take responsibility for what I have done to harm myself and others. To make every single wrong right and make my time on earth count from here.
I don’t want to waste anymore time, enough is enough, I want soul growth, to grow in my soul and to learn all the lessons in love that I need to learn. I want to develop courage to say no to fear and all that’s unloving and embrace only what will allow me to grow and heal closer to God and my soulmate. I want to leave this earth knowing I gave it my all to choose LOVE, to be the person that God created me to be. I want to cultivate positive healthy relationships with others who have the same desires. I want to have courage to show up, take chances.
I desire love, vulnerability, softness, humility to where I am, who I am, what I’ve done to cause harm to others and myself, what I could do and who I could become. I want to get to the point where I can look in the mirror and just accept that I have grey hairs, that I have damaged myself and others without judgement but with compassion, that yes I did that, but I can reverse it, I can change it. I CAN CHANGE.
So here’s to this new decade and to the rest of my life. Let me be willing to Love.
‘Heres the thing, I’m not gonna bullshit you, vulnerability is hard, and its scary, and it feels dangerous, but its not as hard, scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves, what if I would of shown up, what if I would have said I love you, what if I would have come off the blocks? Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage and come off the blocks, cos your worth it, your worth being brave.’ Brene Brown
Up until recently my only passion I thought I had and have ever acted upon has been music but over the last year I have discovered that my passion for music extends into may other creative arts area’s such as film, acting, dance, photography, drawing and digital artwork.
I also discovered I have a passion for working with children, young people and adults. I have been teaching music to little children and spent a lot of time last year in schools delivering a program I created called Follow Your Dreaming which aims to inspire others to discover and follow their passions.
In 2017, I achieved what I always thought was the unachievable when I graduated with a Bachelor of Music and in 2018 began studying a tertiary level Diploma of Interactive Media (Film & Video).
I’m being pleasantly surprised at discovering a whole new range of raw skills and talents I wasn’t aware of before. It has been enjoyable to expand on my skill set into different areas and I am excited to see what else I discover in the future.
‘Everybody has a calling. And your real job in life is to figure out as soon as possible what that is, who you were meant to be, and to begin to honor that in the best way possible for yourself.’ Oprah Winfrey
However, I still have many emotions that I feel prevent me from truly soaring with my passions. A lot of emotions always come up for me when engaging myself in a public capacity, in front of audiences and when working with children.
Mostly fear based emotions about being seen in the world, not being good enough, shame about who I am and my existence in the world and feelings of inferiority. Often I feel quite frozen by fear and this can often affect the quality and delivery of information I provide. So I am going to focus over the next year a lot of feeling my current pain about this so I can begin the process of healing these emotions.
I am currently in the process of developing and refining these new found skills and if you aren’t already aware, my creations can be found on a few different online platforms which I have provided links to.
Soulset Studiosis a new platform that I have created online to post film, music, photography and creative art work.
Beyond Summerland Entertainmentis a partnership venture that creates stories through film and music production that specifically focuses on stories that will share teachings of Divine Truth with the world.
Thayliais my own personal platform for sharing music I create and personal artistic endeavours.
Also if you would like to learn more about discovering and following your passions I have provided some links below that you might find interesting and helpful.