Welcome to my new blog! I have decided to move my blog over to WordPress for functionality purposes. My old blog will still be available to read here however all future blogs will now be posted on this site.
To navigate your way around this page, firstly check out the ‘About Divine Truth’ page where you will find useful links and resources and information on what these teachings are about. All of the blogs I share on this page will be based on these teachings and what I have learned from experimenting with them. Also for a brief introduction to my journey with Divine Truth teachings please check out the above video. I will be posting all my future Into My Soul Vlogs on my YouTube channel here. I have lots of content planned for future vlogs that will focus on specific themes and experiences I have gone through over the past 4 years in my experimentation with Divine Truth teachings.
I have such a desire to discover who God is and who I am. I have such a desire to know who the real me is underneath all of the layers and layers of damage and facade that has been created in me. I have such a desire now to connect to God, to love God and receive God’s Love into my soul.
This blog will be about sharing myself as openly and honestly as I can about the experiences I have gone through and the new emotional and spiritual truths I learn about myself and the universe as I begin to delve deep into my relationship with God, myself and my soulmate!
I look forward to sharing myself and letting you in to my heart and soul. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to email me. I’ve also created an ‘About’ page where you can find out about me and who I am if you are interested.
‘All of my life on earth I measured my self against my achievements, against what I had attained in terms of knowledge, what kind of recognition I received from the world and I saw that as a measure of my worth, I saw that as a measure of my value but also a measure of my success. And what I know now is that God measures everything but at this point in my progress I feel the measure that God is most interested in within myself is the willingness to love and that has been such a powerful lesson for myself that in part I wanted to convey to that to your listeners, that that is the truest measure there is of a person is their willingness to love and I feel that in a way that is such a freeing thing to know.’ Stuart
This week on the 13 May, I turned the big 4 0 and with entering a new decade it has been the cause of much reflection, contemplation and feeling about my life, the choices I made, the regrets, the damage, and the slight progress and changes I have made in the past few years. It was much cause for setting new intentions and desires for my life and for this new decade and future decades.
How do I feel turning the big 4 0? For the most part, I feel quite ashamed of my age, I feel strongly a desire in me to maintain a facade of what the worlds standard of what it means to be beautiful, what the world’s view and definition is of what it means to have worth and value in society. There is still a strong desire in me to remain youthful looking, what I would do to have my natural brown locks again, instead I shudder at the amount of grey hairs I see staring back at me in the mirror, the dark melasma spots and skin damage I have on my face, the thin and lifeless eyebrows from years of plucking to keep up with societies view on having the perfect eyebrows.
All a reflection to me of the internal deep soul damage I have not yet healed inside of me, that I would alter my looks to fit the mould of what others definition of beauty is, that my measure of worth was all about how beautiful I looked, how pretty I was, how much money and things I owned. I’m not yet ready to give up dyeing my hair, or filling in my eyebrows to make it seem like I have more hair. Does it bring happiness? No of course not, it’s all addiction, addiction that I want. I want to avoid at all costs feeling like I’m ugly.
I have learned the hard way, that all of this will not buy you worth, it will not fill the big gaping hole that every single person on earth has. There is a saying we are what we eat, but we are what we feel. How we feel on the inside will impact how you look on the outside. Every bit of physical degradation we have, how we look on the outside is due to what feelings we carry inside of us that is out of harmony with love, toxic emotions that exist inside of us that slowly degenerate every cell in our body until finally the body cannot sustain life and we die.
All my life, I have been given attention in some kind of way about how I look but the truth is all it did was give me a false sense of self worth. It did not take away my true feeling on the inside which is that I completely loathe myself. The only thing that will take that feeling away is for me to face it and feel it so that it can release from my soul.
This is the first milestone of my existence where I feel the reality of time ticking away, that my time on earth is potentially limited dependant on my desire and willingness to love. That potentially I only have around 20-30 more years of life on earth before my body degrades and passes if I do not have the courage to feel and release all of my emotional injuries and errors in love that exist in my soul.
I am faced with the reality of my choices, and question will I have time to undo and reverse all of the damage I created, will I have time to achieve on earth all that I set out to achieve from here, will all my dreams and aspirations come to fruition with what little time I have left. Most importantly will I heal and grow in my soul and relationship with God and my soulmate.
As I look back on all my milestones and the journey its taken to get here I have chosen some very damaging paths. My 21st I was young and naive, I had been a mormon for almost 2 years, I went to church every Sunday and read the scriptures every day. I was getting ready to embark on a mission to the Phillipines arrogantly believing I had found the truth and I was going to brings souls unto God. Due to this, I ended up teaching a lot of false and damaging beliefs about God to others which I am yet to reverse.
I also spent my 21st combined with my grandparents golden 50th and my aunty and uncles 25th anniversary and with the cousin who sexually abused me present at my birthday. I spent my 21st celebrating with the people who harmed me as a child.
My thirtieth year, I was living a life on the complete opposite spectrum. By this time I had racked up quite a significant amount of soul damage by my own choice. After leaving the mormon church I had delved deep into dark and sinister behaviour of drugs, sex and rock and roll (except without the fame).
I had a combined celebration with my then partner in a drug and alcohol fuelled night that I don’t remember much of. I spent the night celebrating with masses of people who I thought were true friends. They were not. That year, we were to separate a few months later which I spiralled even further into my addictions drinking and consuming drugs almost every week. It was the year I reached my lowest point when I was arrested for disorderly conduct after a violent drunken rage in a pub towards my ex and her friends.
This year, this milestone, I wanted it to be something I chose. I wanted it to be spent with somebody who I cared about, so the gift I chose to give myself was to spend it on my own with God contemplating, reflecting and feeling about what I desire for my life. I spent most of my day being overwhelmed emotionally at how much time has flown. I also spent time at Sydney Harbour taking pics of of the sunset and then went home and made myself a nice meal.
So what do I desire for this new decade of my life, what do I desire for the rest of my existence?
I want this decade and future decades to count more than any other decade, to make up for lost and wasted time. Theres still so much to learn, so much to change, so much to grow. I want to set my intention, to embrace every opportunity, to put my heart and soul into working on my relationship with God and my soulmate, to get out of denial of the grand delusion, sincerely and genuinely come to feel remorse for the harm I’ve done against others, I want to set my intention to go through a sincere and genuine process of repentance to take responsibility for what I have done to harm myself and others. To make every single wrong right and make my time on earth count from here.
I don’t want to waste anymore time, enough is enough, I want soul growth, to grow in my soul and to learn all the lessons in love that I need to learn. I want to develop courage to say no to fear and all that’s unloving and embrace only what will allow me to grow and heal closer to God and my soulmate. I want to leave this earth knowing I gave it my all to choose LOVE, to be the person that God created me to be. I want to cultivate positive healthy relationships with others who have the same desires. I want to have courage to show up, take chances.
I desire love, vulnerability, softness, humility to where I am, who I am, what I’ve done to cause harm to others and myself, what I could do and who I could become. I want to get to the point where I can look in the mirror and just accept that I have grey hairs, that I have damaged myself and others without judgement but with compassion, that yes I did that, but I can reverse it, I can change it. I CAN CHANGE.
So here’s to this new decade and to the rest of my life. Let me be willing to Love.
‘Heres the thing, I’m not gonna bullshit you, vulnerability is hard, and its scary, and it feels dangerous, but its not as hard, scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves, what if I would of shown up, what if I would have said I love you, what if I would have come off the blocks? Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage and come off the blocks, cos your worth it, your worth being brave.’ Brene Brown
Up until recently my only passion I thought I had and have ever acted upon has been music but over the last year I have discovered that my passion for music extends into may other creative arts area’s such as film, acting, dance, photography, drawing and digital artwork.
I also discovered I have a passion for working with children, young people and adults. I have been teaching music to little children and spent a lot of time last year in schools delivering a program I created called Follow Your Dreaming which aims to inspire others to discover and follow their passions.
In 2017, I achieved what I always thought was the unachievable when I graduated with a Bachelor of Music and in 2018 began studying a tertiary level Diploma of Interactive Media (Film & Video).
I’m being pleasantly surprised at discovering a whole new range of raw skills and talents I wasn’t aware of before. It has been enjoyable to expand on my skill set into different areas and I am excited to see what else I discover in the future.
‘Everybody has a calling. And your real job in life is to figure out as soon as possible what that is, who you were meant to be, and to begin to honor that in the best way possible for yourself.’ Oprah Winfrey
However, I still have many emotions that I feel prevent me from truly soaring with my passions. A lot of emotions always come up for me when engaging myself in a public capacity, in front of audiences and when working with children.
Mostly fear based emotions about being seen in the world, not being good enough, shame about who I am and my existence in the world and feelings of inferiority. Often I feel quite frozen by fear and this can often affect the quality and delivery of information I provide. So I am going to focus over the next year a lot of feeling my current pain about this so I can begin the process of healing these emotions.
I am currently in the process of developing and refining these new found skills and if you aren’t already aware, my creations can be found on a few different online platforms which I have provided links to.
Soulset Studiosis a new platform that I have created online to post film, music, photography and creative art work.
Beyond Summerland Entertainmentis a partnership venture that creates stories through film and music production that specifically focuses on stories that will share teachings of Divine Truth with the world.
Thayliais my own personal platform for sharing music I create and personal artistic endeavours.
Also if you would like to learn more about discovering and following your passions I have provided some links below that you might find interesting and helpful.
I have been thinking about what service or gift that I could offer to the world that may have long lasting benefits and my current desire is to create a website that explores healing sexual abuse at the soul cause.
This website will be a hub of information based on Divine Truth resources where victims and perpetrators of sexual abuse can access information about Uncovering the Truth About Soul Based Causes and Effects of Sexual Abuse and work towards true healing.
I am currently in the process of creating this website and have a lot of research to do and finer details to consider before it will be ready to publish. For now I have created a YouTube & Soundcloud where I will repost audio and video’s related to healing sexual abuse from Divine Truth teachings.
I would like to thank Jesus and Mary for the wealth of information they have already provided on this topic and it is my pleasure to be able to forward this information on so that it may benefit others.
I recently attended the Divine Truth Assistant Group – Understanding Sin and its Causes and I asked the question – ‘When a sin is committed a sin against you, is feeling you are to blame and it’s all your fault a sin? If so what ways and how does it damage you, your relationships and the environment, what are the effects?’
I was fortunate enough to receive an answer that explores the motivation behind why we would want to blame ourselves for somebody else’s action towards us in relation to the example of abuse from those who believe themselves to be superior to others who feel inferior, but also covers extensively on why victims of sexual abuse often blame themselves for what happened to them.
I have created a Healing Sexual Abuse Podcast on Soundcloud which I have posted the audio. To subscribe and listen visit here
I won’t go into great detail as there is a comprehensive discussion in the audio, but some of the main reason why victims of abuse often blame themselves and feel it is their fault is –
To avoid further attack from their abusers or others who are associated with their abusers
To avoid feeling underlying grief they have about being abused.
In the case of being sexually abused one of the main reasons why victims blame themselves is –
To avoid feeling and releasing the SHAME that the abuser has projected onto them – ‘that it’s their fault’.
‘The key is for victims of any type of abuse is to feel the results of the abuse without attributing the blame of the abuse to yourself. The desire to attribute the blame to yourself will stop you from actually processing your emotion.’ Jesus
I thought I would share a low quality audio recording of the answer I received from Jesus and Mary for anyone who is living with sexual abuse trauma and also extend that invitation to others who are or have been perpetrators of sexual abuse.
I hope that it might provide some insight and assist you to become emotionally aware of the trauma that exists inside of you and take personal responsibility for your emotional healing journey from sexual abuse trauma.
After being sexually abused from the age of 5-9, it is a healing process that I am only now currently attempting to engage and haven’t yet been able to fully heal from. It feels like I have been carrying an extremely heavy weight on my shoulders and it has affected my life in so many ways which I will probably talk more about my personal experience in the future.
As I have found very little information on how to heal sexual abuse I am in the process of creating a website with useful information, resources and links on the topic of uncovering the truth about the soul causes and effects of sexual abuse to assist anyone who may have been affected by sexual abuse. However if anyone would like anymore information please don’t hesitate to ask.
For now I hope the recording is of some benefit and once the video’s have been posted I will also repost a higher quality version of the discussion here.
Yes that is sometimes how life feels, feeling like your getting somewhere and then all of a sudden you’ve skidded around the corner too fast and you’ve hit a tree! F&%K!!! It’s also how it can feel when you meet your soulmate. Things can feel pretty surreal, scary and exciting but can be extremely difficult to engage and nothing can really prepare you for the journey ahead when you meet your soulmate. For me, this is how the rest of 2018 ended up, I had big plans for this blog, that I was going to post content on my YouTube channel and repost here and write about my journey ‘into my soul’ and my experiences with my relationship with my soulmate, but as you can tell 2018 has come and gone and its been almost a year since I wrote my last post. Fail. I’ve really had no desire to talk publicly about any of the journey I’ve been going through with my soulmate since meeting her but we have been together for almost a year and a half and its been extremely tough.
So what has been going on? As I mentioned previously, I graduated from uni, moved into my dream home and my soulmate came into my life shortly after I moved in mid 2017. This blog will be mostly be about meeting her with the purpose of sharing the Truth that soulmates do exist and inspiring others to find their soulmate. Also just a warning, I am writing it uncensored, how I truly felt at the time towards her which was quite unloving. It is not necessarily how I feel now and I am working through a lot of my blocks still in my purifying my soulmate longings and desires. We both have a mountain of emotional injuries to work on before we can truly connect and open up soulmate longings. She will have her own version of the story to tell so this will be mostly from my perspective. Its been a tough, tough, tough journey engaging this relationship, so much opposition from parents, spirit attack every single day for us to separate and not be together, even attack and condescension from others who listen to Divine Truth but that is another blog post in itself, for now I want to focus on the beginning, when we met.
To give a brief background first, I have been listening to Divine Truth since the end of 2013, and my soul focus has been to develop a relationship with God and find my soulmate. I felt for a long time that another girl was my soulmate and waited and held on to this belief for 3 years but in 2016 I began to discover and realise more of my nature and I realised this person had quite a different nature to me and that this person probably wasn’t my soulmate. As I reflected on who I was in my childhood, I started to feel strongly that my soul had a few inner core qualities that I would be able to recognise if I were to meet my soulmate. Those three qualities were, highly sensitive emotionally, we would be very open to truth, and be drawn to the concept of God. I also went through a process of working through a lot of specific emotions during this time and leading up to meeting her but in this blog I am going to talk mostly about how I met her and what happened when meeting her. There is not going to be a big focus on the emotional processes I went through, I will mention a little but I will write more on what emotions I went through in a future blog.
Now to how we met, I met Nicoleta for the first time back in 2014 at a random job interview we were both going for. I remember that I felt I wanted to talk to her and get to know her but she was not interested, I even wanted to ask for her number but in the end decided not to because she seemed to want to get away from me as fast as she could and I definitely didn’t want to force myself upon her or make a fool of myself. So I left that interview with a feeling that it might have been nice to have her as a friend but oh well.
We parted ways and never had contact ever again. Fast forward to 2017 my friend Mathew Costin wanted to move out with me, he said that he had a female friend ‘Nicki’ that was interested in moving out with us too. He told me that she was a very good friend, highly mediumistic, very open to truth and thinks she might be a gay soul but wasn’t sure. I was hesitant as I didn’t really want a third person moving in with us, but agree to meet her. Before meeting her I had a brief thought ‘what if this girl is my soulmate?’ but I brushed it off and told myself to be chill, we are just meeting to look at the potential of a share house situation and don’t be in addiction. We met and instantly I was ‘sure’ she was NOT my soulmate, there was no attraction whatsoever, and the person standing in front of me was overweight and emotionally cold and distant. However, I also instantly recognised her face but I couldn’t remember where from. She was insistent she didn’t know me and said that she is great at remembering faces and would remember me if we had met in a very confident and arrogant way. We left it at that and didn’t think anything more of it.
We went out for a hot chocolate and to get to know each other and discuss the potential of living with each other. I felt more and more as the night went on that there is NO WAY I want to live with this girl, she was scary and felt so angry and arrogant. I was also afraid that she might be physically violent towards me because she was so big and I was so small. She also proclaimed how much she loved to eat meat and I wanted a vegan home! I left the interaction feeling like I can’t wait to get away and go home and wow, thank goodness she ISN’T my soulmate because I couldn’t even stand to live with her!!
Long story short she didn’t want to move in because she didn’t want to give up eating meat yet and we weren’t willing to compromise on having our home a completely vegan home. Fast forward another 7 months, Matty and I finally received notification that a two bedroom apartment had become available. We meet up to sort out final arrangements to move in and he invites me to go and play pool with Nicoleta afterwards. I politely declined (thinking to myself no way, I don’t want to hang with her) but walk with him to meet her. On the way Matty told me that Nicki has been working through some of her sexuality injuries and was becoming more open to the possibility that she might be a gay soul. She gives me a hug, she feels different, she feels less arrogant and more open. We have a brief conversation and I leave.
Fast forward another two months, Matty finally invites Nicki over to the house to hang with him and do ‘reads’, stuff that actors do. We exchanged ‘hellos’ briefly and she was much more nice and friendly. The ‘hello’s’ turned into conversations between us three, conversations about God, Divine Truth, co-dependant addictions with parents, love, truth and sexuality. Nicki seemed to be in a very co-dependant addiction with her dad, calling him twice a day to tell him where she was and often being untruthful about where she was to avoid his attack so Matt and I would tell her what we have learned about working through those issues. We exchange meaningful conversations and decided that we should all have dinner together one night.
Dinner was organised but Matt had to work so it was just Nicki and I. Its just dinner I thought but I found myself caring about how I looked, what dinner will taste like, caring about what she will think of my food. I felt weird, excited and nervous, I hadn’t really had a friend for years since moving to Sydney. We had dinner and go out for a walk and come home. She talks a bit about her current crushes and I talk about how I haven’t been in a relationship for 8 years and I’ve been celibate for 4 years and I am waiting for my soulmate. I tell her about Divine Truth and share a bit about how the soul was created and that everyone had a soulmate and that she had a soulmate, someone who was just like her and made specifically for her. I then asked her if she would like to watch a short clip on soulmates from Divine Truth. She was hesitant about the Jesus thing but I gently encouraged her to just be open and see what she thinks. She didn’t think much of it and was still unsure of it all, so I didn’t mention anything further about Divine Truth.
It was getting late and as she lived a two hour train ride away I politely offered her to stay over and asked if she wanted the couch or half of my bed. She takes the bed. I felt awkward and scared as I hadn’t had anyone sleep next to me for years. She grabs my hand and I feel even more awkward and silently freaked out. I decided to go with it while having a million fears going through my head and we fall asleep holding hands. I awoke to find her still at my house talking to Matty but I’m a grinch in the morning and I don’t want anyone seeing me so I got a bit annoyed she was still there. I wanted her to go but me in my facade didn’t tell her openly and gave her the cold shoulder. She left and said sorry if she did something wrong. I apologised and tell her it’s not her. A week goes by and we hang out a second time after that. I finally remembered where I know her from, that interview! I tell her and she vaguely remembers it/me. All she remembers is that I scared her, I had short blonde undercut and she felt she needed to get as far away from me as possible because she thought I would ‘make her’ gay.
Another week goes by and I’m starting to feel like Nicki might have more than just friendly feelings for me. I become hesitant and concerned that we are in addiction and remember I was ‘sure’ she WASN’T my soulmate, but I was also confused, I might be having feelings for her, but I don’t want them, she is not my type. She is overweight and I’m not attracted to her, and if she isn’t my soulmate then I have some serious emotions to work through. I get a message that she wanted to talk to me. Again I am freaking out, I wanted to play it safe, I was scared of fucking up and making a mistake but at the same time I felt drawn to her. I kind of felt I know what she wants to talk about so I prepared and felt a little about how I would respond. Would I want to explore this? Or should I shut it down?
We catch up and go to the playground in Camperdown. She sits me down and says ‘I don’t know if we are soulmates or if this is addiction but I have feelings for you.’ I replied saying ‘I don’t know if we are soulmates either, I don’t know who my soulmate is but I would be open to exploring the possibility.’ We both are a bit scared, hesitant as we leave. I was in a bit of shock, this is not the person I envisioned would be my soulmate. I wanted a slim, slender, bronzed up South American looking girl who was into fitness (good indication of how superficial I was/am). I thought ‘Shiiitttt’, I’m not sure how I feel about all of this!!!! EEEK.
Over the next few days as I began to open to the possibility that maybe, just maybe she could be my soulmate then all of a sudden all of the pennies started to drop. It was like my eyes were opened and I began to feel and sense Nicki’s nature was much like mine, it was like the fog started to lift and I became more open to seeing her. I began to see how highly sensitive she was, quite open to truth and very open to the concept of God. I began to feel quite strongly more and more that she could be my soulmate but I didn’t know for sure, these were just my feelings and not a confirmation from God yet. I wanted to explore and see where it would lead me.
To Be Cont . . .
So that was a very very brief intro to how we met and what happened, so much has happened since and I look forward to sharing more about our soulmate journey and what happened after that, from seeking Truth from God who is the only person who can tell us who our soulmate is, I will share what happened when I finally decided to ask God if Nicki was my soulmate, some of the emotions I went through before and after meeting her, spirit attack and influence, parental injuries, engaging passions, living together, and issues we have faced.
Nicoleta and I have a developing love for God and learning God’s Truths. We are currently in Noosa attending the Education in Love series by Divine Truth – Understanding Sin & its Causes to learn about God and God’s Love, do some soul work and have some fun. If you would like to find out about the Truth about soulmates here are some links:
On the 19th February 2017 I layed in bed and poured my heart out to God to help me become God reliant. To give me a faith building experience that would strengthen my belief that God exists and I can rely on Her for EVERYTHING. I have always been so self reliant, I have always had a massive mistrust in God, that God doesn’t exist and is not there for me. I have always strived and struggled with my life feeling like I don’t have support, feeling like I have to do it all by myself, that I’m just not worthy of anything good, that I’m not worthy of abundance and that I have to work hard for what I want.
Over 2016 though I worked on my faith in God, I began to choose to see God as Good as Jesus had encouraged us to do at the 2016 assistant group. I began feeling through my ‘dad’ emotions and I stopped choosing to see God as my earthly father but rather as someone who really did love me and want to help me and as I did this I did begin to feel God a lot more in my life and seemed to feel happier at times compared to previous years. However, after a year of working on my faith in God being good, I still hadn’t really had a big faith building experience that would teach me about God reliance. This time I really wanted to rely on God, to turn to God and ask for help with an issue that had been ongoing in my life since I was a child.
Basically since forever I have had a run of living situations that have been highly unloving environments. Either the people I lived with were angry and attacking, lazy and loved to drink and take drugs. I was constantly attracting living situations that were dark and did not provide a loving soul space for me to call home. I constantly felt like I didn’t belong or fit in and instead of working through the cause of why I was attracting those situations emotionally I resorted to self reliance and constantly moving to try to fix the effects. The problem was I kept attracting the same situation.
Well I finally got the message when I arrived at another boarding house in April 2016. After moving in and getting our first bout of rain I discovered my room had a leaking roof. Not only that the building had quite a dark condition and feel to it. The cleaner never seemed to clean and there were major issues of love with other residents not respecting communal areas. The communal toilets and bathroom were often left with faecal matter, vomit and urine on toilet seats and sometimes smeared on bathrooms walls. There were some residents who drank and would sing at all hours in the morning and other’s smoked weed which would waft into the hallways.
Instead of doing what I always did I decided this time I would stay and find out why I kept attracting these situations. However I still wasn’t quite humble to owning my emotions, I would complain all the time to the owner about the lack of hygiene in the building and it got me no where. She thought the standard was fine and therefore nothing changed.
So I realised that my little tantrums was not going to work with God and decided to stop complaining and just feel. In this process I discovered that I had massive demands and addictions that other people should clean, that other people should be tidy. I didn’t see the cleaner as a human being but as a servant who should do his job properly as that is what he’s paid to do. I had strong feelings of blame towards him and the owner and when I began to feel these feelings and own them I began to soften and recognise I was the one that was out of harmony with love. I started to treat the cleaner with more respect and love and began talking to him and having conversations instead of ignoring him. I stopped looking at him as my servant. I began to want to take responsibility for cleaning too and help out where I could even tho there was a paid cleaner to do so.
Not long after that my law of attraction changed and off her own back the owner decided to hire a new cleaner. The new cleaner was thorough and amazing. The owner took out the old dirty carpet and replaced it with brand new carpet and began spring cleaning the inside of the building and making the place very respectable and clean. I was like WOW feeling and owning your own emotions does work and changes what you attract almost instantly without force.
However, I still had an issue which I had been ‘putting up’ with which was my leaking roof and after a year of communication with the owner of the building about getting the leak fixed she finally told me that they were unable to fix the leak and that they deemed the room ‘unfit’ for occupation. I spent a week feeling quite sad, devastated and hopeless. Sydney is an expensive city to live in and on a student wage I couldn’t foresee how I could attract the kind of loving place that I was longing to call home.
Throughout this time tho I began desiring and longing to God to find a place that I could call home, a place that was affordable but beautiful, a place where I could live with someone who desired to uphold God’s loving laws, a space where my soul could feel and experience my emotions, a space that was inviting to my soulmate if and when she came into my life. I just wanted a space that would nurture my soul’s growth and healing.
Things came to a head on that day as I lay in bed. I woke up that morning and knew that I had to talk to God. I had done things my way all my life, struggling with self reliance and now I really wanted to learn how to do things God’s way. I knew that if I wanted a home I had to attract it by working through blocking emotions, God reliance and asking God for help. I surrendered and prayed and said God ‘I can’t do this on my own anymore, I have done things my way all life and now I want to try it your way. I don’t rely on you because I don’t believe that you would be there for me. I don’t have faith in somebody I don’t see so I don’t trust you that you would want to help me but I would love a beautiful place to call home.’ I prayed with all my feelings and soul for God to help me to find a home and give me a faith building experience that would help me to trust in God and become God reliant.
I cried so hard for about and hr and felt God with me at that time. I got up and felt so much lighter and at peace that everything was going to be alright. I didn’t know how I just knew that I had a greater sense of trust in God. The very next morning I got a message from an old friend, Mathew Costin the guy who introduced me to Divine Truth in 2013. I had bumped into him on occasion around Sydney but I hadn’t been in contact with him since 2013. He said
‘Hey thaylia. I hope you’re well. Can’t tell you how much our last conversation really assisted me greatly in a time of great sadness and confusion. So, I’m contacting you because I have a desire to live with people in Sydney who have a desire to be in a loving relationship with god and learn to obey his laws and principles. If you may be interested in living with me, I’d love to chat about it. But otherwise, I’d love to hang with you soon if you have time.
WOW, I instantly knew God had answered my prayers and my heart sang with joy. I just knew from that moment on God was going to help me find my home – our home. A place that Matty and I could call our home and develop our relationship with God.
On the 4th August 2017 Matty and I moved into our home after waiting on a list for 6 months with a private affordability housing scheme. God gave us more than what we asked for and imagined, a beautiful two bedroom apartment newly renovated, fresh paint and carpets, bright and airy atmosphere, in a great location in the city that is extremely affordable. We are not charged market rent but our rent is based on our earnings. We have beautiful views of trees and a park across the road. We have our own kitchen to cook vegan only meals, our own toilet and bathroom – a luxury that I haven’t had for a while that we keep sparkly and clean and a big spacious living room. My bedroom is also way bigger than any room I have rented in Sydney.
We have a constitution for the house based on Divine Truth that we endeavour to uphold and living with Matty is helping me to become aware of my masculine emotional injuries and various addictions. Due to our feminine and masculine injuries we both have a lot to work on in our relationship with each other and upholding a loving home but we have created a space where we are allowed to be truthful, honest and say how we truly feel with each other (sometimes we are still scared to) and are free to feel our emotions, bash, scream or cry without judgement when we are not resisting. I have not only gained a place that I can call home, also a beautiful friend and brother that I can learn from and share in our love for God and Divine Truth teachings.
I know my relationship with God isn’t complete and I am still working on solidifying my faith in God, still a lot of addictions and fear I’m working through and at times resistive to, times where I still ignore God, times when I don’t want to chat to God and I don’t always ask for God’s Love. But this faith building experience is the beginning and has now laid a foundation for me to build upon. I know that God is good and I am thirsty for more experiences.
Each and everyday I am reminded of what God has given us and how just like Jesus said ‘God is Good’ and when we do things God’s way and give up our self-reliance, seek God’s Love with all our heart all things will be added unto.
I got more than what I imagined, a new home, a beautiful housemate and . . . shortly after my soulmate came into my life! Which is another blog post in itself.
If you got this far, thank you for reading and if you would like to learn more about Divine Truth or God please visit here for more information.