Welcome to my new blog! I have decided to move my blog over to WordPress for functionality purposes. My old blog will still be available to read here however all future blogs will now be posted on this site.
To navigate your way around this page, firstly check out the ‘About Divine Truth’ page where you will find useful links and resources and information on what these teachings are about. All of the blogs I share on this page will be based on these teachings and what I have learned from experimenting with them. Also for a brief introduction to my journey with Divine Truth teachings please check out the above video. I will be posting all my future Into My Soul Vlogs on my YouTube channel here. I have lots of content planned for future vlogs that will focus on specific themes and experiences I have gone through over the past 4 years in my experimentation with Divine Truth teachings.
I have such a desire to discover who God is and who I am. I have such a desire to know who the real me is underneath all of the layers and layers of damage and facade that has been created in me. I have such a desire now to connect to God, to love God and receive God’s Love into my soul.
This blog will be about sharing myself as openly and honestly as I can about the experiences I have gone through and the new emotional and spiritual truths I learn about myself and the universe as I begin to delve deep into my relationship with God, myself and my soulmate!
I look forward to sharing myself and letting you in to my heart and soul. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to email me. I’ve also created an ‘About’ page where you can find out about me and who I am if you are interested.
There came a point where I had to come face to face with my life. From being sexually abused as a child from the age of 5-9, having a father who hated me, to a mother who wanted to completely control and dominate me, a family who wants to deny the abuse ever happened, being exposed to violence, substance abuse and alcoholism from the moment I was born, and then all of the unloving and destructive actions I took out against myself and others.
It gets to the point where you cannot escape all of this and you have to just stop pretending you are ok and allow yourself to roll around on the ground and just cry your fucking eyes out and be the complete painful dark mess that you are. Welcome to Into My Soul. I’ve spent 5 years doing this so far and my life has changed in so many beautiful ways and it ain’t over yet.
Even if you feel you had a good life and are exempt from this process I guarantee you are in a complete facade and denial about it. EP out Nov 2019 – hear all about it in the above video. 💜
The EP is available on both free and paid platforms to give you the option of how you would like to consume my music!
Donate to Smugglers of Light Fundraiser and receive a copy of Limited Edition CD (includes bonus 7th track – Thankyou (Mary’s Poem to God) – https://bit.ly/2MNpi3V
After a year since the first single ‘Waiting’ was released from my upcoming debut EP – Into My Soul, I have finally released the second single ‘Home’!
The song is a fusion of folk style lyric songwriting with big souring future bass synth influenced chorus and electronic music production. Sorry for the non-doof lovers but I just love my beats and love fusing organic and non organic sounds together.
I might consider releasing an acoustic version in the future if anyone expresses an interest. Just let me know!
This song song is sequel to ‘Waiting’ which was about Love being offered as gift and written from the perspective of a God who wants to share Love with us.
‘Home’ shares in a very metaphorical way what it was like for me when I first started re-sensitise myself to emotions again and then finally having the courage to ask to receive the Gift of Love from this Great Being God.
You can listen to the track commentary on this song below. You will also find in the description of the video links to where you can stream the song, have access to lyrics and get yourself a free download.
In the very near future I will be sharing more about the upcoming EP and future projects.
About a year ago I released the first single ‘Waiting’ from my upcoming EP called ‘Into My Soul’ which is due out in Nov 19. The song is written from the perspective of God who wants to share the gift of Her Love with us and who is always waiting patiently for us to ask for it.
The main motivation for writing the song was because I found that there were a lot of love songs that didn’t quite reflect the true qualities of love from God’s perspective. In my limited understanding of this ‘Love’ I have attempted to write a song that might capture some of God’s loving qualities in terms of how she feels about us and her desires for us.
I have been working on a music video for the song but will be releasing it when the EP comes out in Nov, but for now to celebrate the one year anniversary of this first single, I have created a brief track commentary video about the song and my upcoming EP here –
‘All of my life on earth I measured my self against my achievements, against what I had attained in terms of knowledge, what kind of recognition I received from the world and I saw that as a measure of my worth, I saw that as a measure of my value but also a measure of my success. And what I know now is that God measures everything but at this point in my progress I feel the measure that God is most interested in within myself is the willingness to love and that has been such a powerful lesson for myself that in part I wanted to convey to that to your listeners, that that is the truest measure there is of a person is their willingness to love and I feel that in a way that is such a freeing thing to know.’ Stuart
This week on the 13 May, I turned the big 4 0 and with entering a new decade it has been the cause of much reflection, contemplation and feeling about my life, the choices I made, the regrets, the damage, and the slight progress and changes I have made in the past few years. It was much cause for setting new intentions and desires for my life and for this new decade and future decades.
How do I feel turning the big 4 0? For the most part, I feel quite ashamed of my age, I feel strongly a desire in me to maintain a facade of what the worlds standard of what it means to be beautiful, what the world’s view and definition is of what it means to have worth and value in society. There is still a strong desire in me to remain youthful looking, what I would do to have my natural brown locks again, instead I shudder at the amount of grey hairs I see staring back at me in the mirror, the dark melasma spots and skin damage I have on my face, the thin and lifeless eyebrows from years of plucking to keep up with societies view on having the perfect eyebrows.
All a reflection to me of the internal deep soul damage I have not yet healed inside of me, that I would alter my looks to fit the mould of what others definition of beauty is, that my measure of worth was all about how beautiful I looked, how pretty I was, how much money and things I owned. I’m not yet ready to give up dyeing my hair, or filling in my eyebrows to make it seem like I have more hair. Does it bring happiness? No of course not, it’s all addiction, addiction that I want. I want to avoid at all costs feeling like I’m ugly.
I have learned the hard way, that all of this will not buy you worth, it will not fill the big gaping hole that every single person on earth has. There is a saying we are what we eat, but we are what we feel. How we feel on the inside will impact how you look on the outside. Every bit of physical degradation we have, how we look on the outside is due to what feelings we carry inside of us that is out of harmony with love, toxic emotions that exist inside of us that slowly degenerate every cell in our body until finally the body cannot sustain life and we die.
All my life, I have been given attention in some kind of way about how I look but the truth is all it did was give me a false sense of self worth. It did not take away my true feeling on the inside which is that I completely loathe myself. The only thing that will take that feeling away is for me to face it and feel it so that it can release from my soul.
This is the first milestone of my existence where I feel the reality of time ticking away, that my time on earth is potentially limited dependant on my desire and willingness to love. That potentially I only have around 20-30 more years of life on earth before my body degrades and passes if I do not have the courage to feel and release all of my emotional injuries and errors in love that exist in my soul.
I am faced with the reality of my choices, and question will I have time to undo and reverse all of the damage I created, will I have time to achieve on earth all that I set out to achieve from here, will all my dreams and aspirations come to fruition with what little time I have left. Most importantly will I heal and grow in my soul and relationship with God and my soulmate.
As I look back on all my milestones and the journey its taken to get here I have chosen some very damaging paths. My 21st I was young and naive, I had been a mormon for almost 2 years, I went to church every Sunday and read the scriptures every day. I was getting ready to embark on a mission to the Phillipines arrogantly believing I had found the truth and I was going to brings souls unto God. Due to this, I ended up teaching a lot of false and damaging beliefs about God to others which I am yet to reverse.
I also spent my 21st combined with my grandparents golden 50th and my aunty and uncles 25th anniversary and with the cousin who sexually abused me present at my birthday. I spent my 21st celebrating with the people who harmed me as a child.
My thirtieth year, I was living a life on the complete opposite spectrum. By this time I had racked up quite a significant amount of soul damage by my own choice. After leaving the mormon church I had delved deep into dark and sinister behaviour of drugs, sex and rock and roll (except without the fame).
I had a combined celebration with my then partner in a drug and alcohol fuelled night that I don’t remember much of. I spent the night celebrating with masses of people who I thought were true friends. They were not. That year, we were to separate a few months later which I spiralled even further into my addictions drinking and consuming drugs almost every week. It was the year I reached my lowest point when I was arrested for disorderly conduct after a violent drunken rage in a pub towards my ex and her friends.
This year, this milestone, I wanted it to be something I chose. I wanted it to be spent with somebody who I cared about, so the gift I chose to give myself was to spend it on my own with God contemplating, reflecting and feeling about what I desire for my life. I spent most of my day being overwhelmed emotionally at how much time has flown. I also spent time at Sydney Harbour taking pics of of the sunset and then went home and made myself a nice meal.
So what do I desire for this new decade of my life, what do I desire for the rest of my existence?
I want this decade and future decades to count more than any other decade, to make up for lost and wasted time. Theres still so much to learn, so much to change, so much to grow. I want to set my intention, to embrace every opportunity, to put my heart and soul into working on my relationship with God and my soulmate, to get out of denial of the grand delusion, sincerely and genuinely come to feel remorse for the harm I’ve done against others, I want to set my intention to go through a sincere and genuine process of repentance to take responsibility for what I have done to harm myself and others. To make every single wrong right and make my time on earth count from here.
I don’t want to waste anymore time, enough is enough, I want soul growth, to grow in my soul and to learn all the lessons in love that I need to learn. I want to develop courage to say no to fear and all that’s unloving and embrace only what will allow me to grow and heal closer to God and my soulmate. I want to leave this earth knowing I gave it my all to choose LOVE, to be the person that God created me to be. I want to cultivate positive healthy relationships with others who have the same desires. I want to have courage to show up, take chances.
I desire love, vulnerability, softness, humility to where I am, who I am, what I’ve done to cause harm to others and myself, what I could do and who I could become. I want to get to the point where I can look in the mirror and just accept that I have grey hairs, that I have damaged myself and others without judgement but with compassion, that yes I did that, but I can reverse it, I can change it. I CAN CHANGE.
So here’s to this new decade and to the rest of my life. Let me be willing to Love.
‘Heres the thing, I’m not gonna bullshit you, vulnerability is hard, and its scary, and it feels dangerous, but its not as hard, scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves, what if I would of shown up, what if I would have said I love you, what if I would have come off the blocks? Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage and come off the blocks, cos your worth it, your worth being brave.’ Brene Brown
Up until recently my only passion I thought I had and have ever acted upon has been music but over the last year I have discovered that my passion for music extends into may other creative arts area’s such as film, acting, dance, photography, drawing and digital artwork.
I also discovered I have a passion for working with children, young people and adults. I have been teaching music to little children and spent a lot of time last year in schools delivering a program I created called Follow Your Dreaming which aims to inspire others to discover and follow their passions.
In 2017, I achieved what I always thought was the unachievable when I graduated with a Bachelor of Music and in 2018 began studying a tertiary level Diploma of Interactive Media (Film & Video).
I’m being pleasantly surprised at discovering a whole new range of raw skills and talents I wasn’t aware of before. It has been enjoyable to expand on my skill set into different areas and I am excited to see what else I discover in the future.
‘Everybody has a calling. And your real job in life is to figure out as soon as possible what that is, who you were meant to be, and to begin to honor that in the best way possible for yourself.’ Oprah Winfrey
However, I still have many emotions that I feel prevent me from truly soaring with my passions. A lot of emotions always come up for me when engaging myself in a public capacity, in front of audiences and when working with children.
Mostly fear based emotions about being seen in the world, not being good enough, shame about who I am and my existence in the world and feelings of inferiority. Often I feel quite frozen by fear and this can often affect the quality and delivery of information I provide. So I am going to focus over the next year a lot of feeling my current pain about this so I can begin the process of healing these emotions.
I am currently in the process of developing and refining these new found skills and if you aren’t already aware, my creations can be found on a few different online platforms which I have provided links to.
Soulset Studiosis a new platform that I have created online to post film, music, photography and creative art work.
Beyond Summerland Entertainmentis a partnership venture that creates stories through film and music production that specifically focuses on stories that will share teachings of Divine Truth with the world.
Thayliais my own personal platform for sharing music I create and personal artistic endeavours.
Also if you would like to learn more about discovering and following your passions I have provided some links below that you might find interesting and helpful.
I have been thinking about what service or gift that I could offer to the world that may have long lasting benefits and my current desire is to create a website that explores healing sexual abuse at the soul cause.
This website will be a hub of information based on Divine Truth resources where victims and perpetrators of sexual abuse can access information about Uncovering the Truth About Soul Based Causes and Effects of Sexual Abuse and work towards true healing.
I am currently in the process of creating this website and have a lot of research to do and finer details to consider before it will be ready to publish. For now I have created a YouTube & Soundcloud where I will repost audio and video’s related to healing sexual abuse from Divine Truth teachings.
I would like to thank Jesus and Mary for the wealth of information they have already provided on this topic and it is my pleasure to be able to forward this information on so that it may benefit others.
I recently attended the Divine Truth Assistant Group – Understanding Sin and its Causes and I asked the question – ‘When a sin is committed a sin against you, is feeling you are to blame and it’s all your fault a sin? If so what ways and how does it damage you, your relationships and the environment, what are the effects?’
I was fortunate enough to receive an answer that explores the motivation behind why we would want to blame ourselves for somebody else’s action towards us in relation to the example of abuse from those who believe themselves to be superior to others who feel inferior, but also covers extensively on why victims of sexual abuse often blame themselves for what happened to them.
I have created a Healing Sexual Abuse Podcast on Soundcloud which I have posted the audio. To subscribe and listen visit here
I won’t go into great detail as there is a comprehensive discussion in the audio, but some of the main reason why victims of abuse often blame themselves and feel it is their fault is –
To avoid further attack from their abusers or others who are associated with their abusers
To avoid feeling underlying grief they have about being abused.
In the case of being sexually abused one of the main reasons why victims blame themselves is –
To avoid feeling and releasing the SHAME that the abuser has projected onto them – ‘that it’s their fault’.
‘The key is for victims of any type of abuse is to feel the results of the abuse without attributing the blame of the abuse to yourself. The desire to attribute the blame to yourself will stop you from actually processing your emotion.’ Jesus
I thought I would share a low quality audio recording of the answer I received from Jesus and Mary for anyone who is living with sexual abuse trauma and also extend that invitation to others who are or have been perpetrators of sexual abuse.
I hope that it might provide some insight and assist you to become emotionally aware of the trauma that exists inside of you and take personal responsibility for your emotional healing journey from sexual abuse trauma.
After being sexually abused from the age of 5-9, it is a healing process that I am only now currently attempting to engage and haven’t yet been able to fully heal from. It feels like I have been carrying an extremely heavy weight on my shoulders and it has affected my life in so many ways which I will probably talk more about my personal experience in the future.
As I have found very little information on how to heal sexual abuse I am in the process of creating a website with useful information, resources and links on the topic of uncovering the truth about the soul causes and effects of sexual abuse to assist anyone who may have been affected by sexual abuse. However if anyone would like anymore information please don’t hesitate to ask.
For now I hope the recording is of some benefit and once the video’s have been posted I will also repost a higher quality version of the discussion here.